


Humans are Smol but they can Cuss

by LarkMarker



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, No actual swearing?, Reader is awkward, Reader-Insert, Rodimus Being A Dork, Tailgate is too pure for this world, everyone's a dork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 02:51:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarkMarker/pseuds/LarkMarker
Summary: Reader swears and Tailgate is scandalised. That's it, that's the fic.Feat. Rodimus makes things worse





	Humans are Smol but they can Cuss

“You can swear!?”

 

The human’s eyes widened and they tried to avoid looking at Tailgate.

 

“Nope.”

 

They didn’t think anyone had heard them walk into a doorway and consequently lose all sense of a filter while their foot pretended to become lava. Pain was great for removing filters.

 

“You can!” and they made the mistake of guiltily looking up and immediately made a second mistake: eye contact. “You _can_ swear! I didn’t think you could!”  


“Everyone can swear,” sighed a bed-perched Whirl from behind Tailgate, sitting in the room that One Troubled Shortstack had been _trying_ to get into when they'd walked into the _very_ -solid doorway, “Haven’t you watched _any_ of the human films?”

 

Tailgate squatted down to be closer to human height – something said human was still learning to not be completely offended by – and voiced, “I didn’t think they could, though. They’re too nice.”

 

“Uh,” the ‘nice’ person stammered eloquently, “I…”

 

Tailgate’s head tilted to the side like a puppy and Whirl gave a small cackle at their obvious-to-anyone-but-Tailgate expression. Trying to hastily make eye contact with anyone sitting in the room was futile; Chromedome, Swerve, Cyclonus and Rodimus were all watching the screen – despite there being only a menu up at this point, they _knew_ – and Rewind was…

 

Rewind was recording this. They hoped he hadn’t been recording the earlier slip up before. Ultra Magnus didn’t need _video evidence_ of anything-

 

“Why’d you swear?”

 

Attention refocussed to Tailgate. Cute, little Tailgate. Tailgate. Living marshmallow. They dearly wished to sink into the ground.

 

“Whirl’s right-“ the human ignored the snort someone else in the room made, “Humans can swear. Do swear.”

 

Oh, gosh, their voice was going higher pitched as they went. A quick glance proved they had the attention of everyone in the room now. _Great_.

 

“And where I’m from is no different. Actually, people swear a lot where I’m from.”

 

Tailgate hadn’t moved, still just there with that confused look on his face and _why was this so hard_.

 

“And I mean-“ their voice cracked and they coughed to clear it, “I mean, I don’t _like_ swearing, really. I think there’s an entire bunch of words that can be used _instead_ of it, so why do it? Ya know? So many languages and whatnot,”

 

Their laugh was horrifically awkward and they were dimly aware of at least three people grinning behind Tailgate.

 

 Voice beginning to reach only-dogs- _should_ -hear territory, they managed “But, sometimes, you know, it just…” they clenched and unclenched their hands and looked to the ground.

 

“What?”

 

The short being looked up and hissed through their teeth before responding, “It just slips out?”

 

Tailgate went slack and everyone was grinning behind him now and _why had they walked into the wall_ -

 

“What?” Tailgate sounded like they’d just told him Santa Claus wasn’t real.

 

“I swore!” they cried, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to but-“ angrily, they turned to glare at the source of their pain, “do you _know_ how _freakin’ solid_ the doorway is!?” Five hand gesticulations and they turned back to him.

 

He looked panicked, “You just- ‘ _Freakin’’_?”

 

They groaned into their hands, “It’s a _substitute_ swear word! It’s not _the same_ -“

 

“ _Humans have substitute swear words!?_ ”

 

“ _How do you not know this!?_ ”

 

“No one told me!”

 

“I say them _all_ the time-“

 

The shouting match was broken as Tailgate swooped them up and ran up to Rodimus who sat – _smirking_ , a freaked human noted – on the bed next to Whirl and Swerve.

 

“They _substitute_ - _swear!_ ”

 

Rodimus’ smirk turned Cheshire grin as he turned to look down at the entity who visibly looked like they wanted to die, “Gasp! Is this _true?_ ”

 

He darn well _knew_ it was, that stupid-

 

They growled, “Tailgate, put me down.” Normally, they were put down immediately after expressing discomfort, but were they put down now? _No_. They were turned around and scolded.

 

“You shouldn’t swear!”

 

“Oh, like _you_ haven’t swore.”

 

A deafening quiet.

 

“ _You haven’t_ sworn!?”

 

“No!”

 

Tailgate was horrified at the thought and so was the human in his hands, “I- _how_? You’re, like, _old_ -“

 

“How come you swore?” the second soon-to-be-worse-than-the-first shouting match was paused when Rewind interrupted.

 

They twisted as well as they could in Tailgate’s grip to see that daft red light that meant Rewind’s filming was going strong. “…I walked into the wall. Sorta. Kinda. _I don’t know_. It _hurt_ , okay?”

 

“It hurt. So you swore?”

 

“Please, don’t tell Ultra Magnus.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback welcome- Never done a reader-insert so tell me if something's off <3 
> 
> That being said Tailgate is a soft boi but someone should teach him swear words.


End file.
